I am at that point in my life where holidays or birthdays for that matter, mean very little to me. I do my best to chime in with people’s spirits and smile so no one will think I am depressed or out of sorts or negative or lonely - Of which I am none of these examples.
It seems if you’re not silly with bundles of gifts to hand out, or a fat baked turkey on your table, or sitting in a comfy chair with gifts around your feet as you sip a cup of good coffee, that you are not feeling a part of it.
I cannot do so anymore. Holiday ‘its’ are so far removed from what these holidays were to signify - Something very personal and internal, a giving of self in the most humblest of ways.
I no longer feel a part of holidays. I am weary of giving, handing out, chucking gifts or donations. Have I turned in to the Grinch? No, not really, but I have begun to fold in upon myself. I have become the package. If someone truly needs me, I am there for them. I am the gift. But most people just need themselves, not someone else to figure their life out.
What do I give to myself?
The gift I give myself is withdrawal from the endless overblown dramas. I prefer taking a walk on my land until I reach a pine tree. I take off my mittens and twist a twig or two, and breathe in the pine scent. I tear off one to place in my pocket - My own holiday sachet made by nature. A scent offered up without ‘Made in’ labels, at no price, monetarily or emotionally.
Each breath, each day is your holiday. I have finally figured it out for myself.
Peace & discovery to all of you.