Decades ago, she gave me a tour of the weather-beaten cottage. It would become a rental that she filled with her worn, and flea market furniture.
'This was my desk as a kid. It used to be in my bedroom.' It was now positioned in a corner of a very small room, that could barely hold a single bed. I ran my hands along the smooth wood, imagining her younger years as she sat there writing in long-hand of desires, loves, sadness, and hopes of a teen from some 30 years earlier. I wanted to connect with her like I was to her desk, as my hand suddenly warmed on the wood.
It felt like I was touching her bare skin. As the heat rose from my palm and up my arm, I turned to see her standing tightly in the corner behind me. She looked both shy, and a bit afraid as our eyes met. She was barely three feet away. I wish I could have read her mind in that moment or she would have spoken one word.
I wanted to lean in to her, and kiss her as she stood in that corner - But I didn't. I wanted to tell her how deeply attracted I was to her - But I didn't. I walked out of the room, and we sat outdoors on an opened deck. Our legs dangled off the edge as we carried on conversation. In so many words she asked, when will someone desire me, what's wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with you, I said. You're very desirable. Someone will find you that way, I said to her. I did not say, someone already does.
'This was my desk as a kid. It used to be in my bedroom.' It was now positioned in a corner of a very small room, that could barely hold a single bed. I ran my hands along the smooth wood, imagining her younger years as she sat there writing in long-hand of desires, loves, sadness, and hopes of a teen from some 30 years earlier. I wanted to connect with her like I was to her desk, as my hand suddenly warmed on the wood.
It felt like I was touching her bare skin. As the heat rose from my palm and up my arm, I turned to see her standing tightly in the corner behind me. She looked both shy, and a bit afraid as our eyes met. She was barely three feet away. I wish I could have read her mind in that moment or she would have spoken one word.
I wanted to lean in to her, and kiss her as she stood in that corner - But I didn't. I wanted to tell her how deeply attracted I was to her - But I didn't. I walked out of the room, and we sat outdoors on an opened deck. Our legs dangled off the edge as we carried on conversation. In so many words she asked, when will someone desire me, what's wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with you, I said. You're very desirable. Someone will find you that way, I said to her. I did not say, someone already does.
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