Photo by Jean Schugart-Schild When you see me, and know that I am gay, what do you think? Do you see my gender first, or does your mind wander to what my sexual activities may have been?
Do you think right away, and giggle uncomfortably to someone, "She's a lesbian." Meaning what exactly?
Many years ago I invited a few co-workers, professional staff, to my home for a luncheon. I was thrilled to do this. I was not one to extend myself very often, or open my door and invite many in, especially fellow workers. I enjoyed keeping my workplace separate from my private space. It's just my nature. It hasn't anything to do with my sexual orientation!
After the fine luncheon, good-byes were said. I thought it was lovely, and that it went well. The conversation was pleasant and astute. The food was perfect. It was just the right amount of time spent for all.
So why did I hear a few days afterwards (at work) that one of my guests said, "I don't know why she invited me. I'm not gay, you know." She had to tell as many people as she could this statement. Why? I have come across this many times in my life. I think this type of woman does not want to be 'guilty' by association. "I ain't no lezzie!' 'I'm not that way!" Well, who asked you?
They needed to make it clear that they are not 'One of them!' What does my world look like to you? You can enjoy us, like us, but yet, the hammer must come down to affirm your lot in life. Lesbians, or anything about the nature of lesbians was not a topic at my luncheon. We were a group of women at a meal. I guess that was enough for the one guest to freak. Why come at all? Refuse the invitation. I wanted to have compliments on my delicious meal and the fine coffee. That's all.
What does my world look like to you?
I have met so many women along the way, straight women, that when they have knowledge of my mate, need to work in to the conversation, within seconds, that they are not gay. Why? I do not say, I am gay, so what are you? They awkwardly state, out of the blue, "My husband.... my boyfriend... I'm with a man... my kids! As if gays cannot have kids... I think these comments act like a defense mechanism. It's their STOP sign. Halt, lesbian! I am not one of you! One woman even told me, which I had no interest in hearing nor did I ask, "I love dick!" Say what!? Should I have counter that comment? No, I am not that crass or insecure...or fearful.
There is one good thing about meeting these types, though. I know right away how ignorant and shallow they are. I do not want them near me again. (I think that relieves them, actually) They simply do not know that my world is exactly like theirs. Nor do they want to know. But, hey, it's just like yours!
Are they so uncomfortable? With what? Myths? The notion that one is gay? Is it that scary? Do straight women walk up to other straight women and say in their first few sentences, 'I'm straight, you know."
Do they think a lesbian wants all women, that we go about capturing them like a butterfly in a net?
So, I ask, what does my world look like to you? And of course, that being said, I do have straight-women friends who are confident in who they are, and who I am. In other words, it came down to personalities, not our sexual orientation.
Do you think right away, and giggle uncomfortably to someone, "She's a lesbian." Meaning what exactly?
Many years ago I invited a few co-workers, professional staff, to my home for a luncheon. I was thrilled to do this. I was not one to extend myself very often, or open my door and invite many in, especially fellow workers. I enjoyed keeping my workplace separate from my private space. It's just my nature. It hasn't anything to do with my sexual orientation!
After the fine luncheon, good-byes were said. I thought it was lovely, and that it went well. The conversation was pleasant and astute. The food was perfect. It was just the right amount of time spent for all.
So why did I hear a few days afterwards (at work) that one of my guests said, "I don't know why she invited me. I'm not gay, you know." She had to tell as many people as she could this statement. Why? I have come across this many times in my life. I think this type of woman does not want to be 'guilty' by association. "I ain't no lezzie!' 'I'm not that way!" Well, who asked you?
They needed to make it clear that they are not 'One of them!' What does my world look like to you? You can enjoy us, like us, but yet, the hammer must come down to affirm your lot in life. Lesbians, or anything about the nature of lesbians was not a topic at my luncheon. We were a group of women at a meal. I guess that was enough for the one guest to freak. Why come at all? Refuse the invitation. I wanted to have compliments on my delicious meal and the fine coffee. That's all.
What does my world look like to you?
I have met so many women along the way, straight women, that when they have knowledge of my mate, need to work in to the conversation, within seconds, that they are not gay. Why? I do not say, I am gay, so what are you? They awkwardly state, out of the blue, "My husband.... my boyfriend... I'm with a man... my kids! As if gays cannot have kids... I think these comments act like a defense mechanism. It's their STOP sign. Halt, lesbian! I am not one of you! One woman even told me, which I had no interest in hearing nor did I ask, "I love dick!" Say what!? Should I have counter that comment? No, I am not that crass or insecure...or fearful.
There is one good thing about meeting these types, though. I know right away how ignorant and shallow they are. I do not want them near me again. (I think that relieves them, actually) They simply do not know that my world is exactly like theirs. Nor do they want to know. But, hey, it's just like yours!
Are they so uncomfortable? With what? Myths? The notion that one is gay? Is it that scary? Do straight women walk up to other straight women and say in their first few sentences, 'I'm straight, you know."
Do they think a lesbian wants all women, that we go about capturing them like a butterfly in a net?
So, I ask, what does my world look like to you? And of course, that being said, I do have straight-women friends who are confident in who they are, and who I am. In other words, it came down to personalities, not our sexual orientation.
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