She was out of her convent for a brief period of time. I had to let go of my guilt for leading her down a road of pure sex, but many women know it's different with a woman. A tenderness invades a body as I led, and held her through the motions of love making. Her first with man or woman. I did brighten her life as she exited her darkest corridor. She fell for me, moreso than me for her. One can feel tenderness without falling in love. I felt like a party of mind and body was happening as her heart ran to deeper caverns than mine.
Smiles brightened her life. I felt merely like a light to her rescue during her darkest hours. She had endured years of a Catholic institutional approach of electric shock therapy to kill her love of women from her mind, and to cure her depression of living not a truth, but a lie, as she moved closely, lovingly and longingly around many women in dark robes, praying for the salvation for all souls.
I felt like Mercury delivering a truth she sought and needed - You are a lesbian, and that is okay. Time to light up your morning with your very own soul. It was all I could give in those moments. Not the deeper me. No future with me. Don't hang or cling to me. I stayed totally in the present, then I dissipated.
But before I completely evaporated like a ghost in the mist I drove her to her convent on a polluted Staten Island where my throat close up. It was for her to retrieve the every day items that meant something to her, and to her alone. I was kept in an outer hall, not allowed to help gather her few things. With her small bundle, I drove her and another nun to lunch.
I sat in silence like a cloistered nun, as she and the other sister politely argued about where her life was now headed. The nun wanted to save my friend from her choices, pull her back to a sad world of shock therapy and prayers. Dagger stares to me from the convent nun told me I was stealing the church's property. NO! I was not. I was merely an aide, not the woman's conscience. I did not direct her moral principals. She wanted to be free, all on her own.
At the end of the lunch the full-fledged nun had no issue with me paying the entire luncheon bill. Figured. She would return back to the fold where all she had to do was pray to get fed, clothed and directed in each choice of her daily prayers and deeds expected.
I showed my nun-friend an alternative path - The one she dreamed of when praying amongst so many black-garbed hidden creatures. Did I put me there in her life? I don't think so - Someone prayed me in to that space. I did what I did, I led her out of a fire she didn't deserve to burn in for her mortal life, and then I moved on.